not as expected (:

it's a good night
im not saying so just because i get to drink tonight (well i have to admit i love to drink XD)
it's he finally made his mind clear =)
he surely deserve a better one
i mean it when i say so...

a very big thank you to my friend
gor..kel and edward..
we talked a lot
and i thought a lot when i got home...
when im driving home...
while im bathing...
and now updating my blog...
finally realise that it's not love anymore..
it may be a habit...
i knew exactly how to persuade others to see things in right way..
to determine what exactly the feeling they got..
whether it's love or just simply a kind of impetuous...
sarcastically.. i drown myself in the pool of miserable...
and lead my life in the fake strongness i've got for almost a year...
told myslef not to cry...not to feel sad..not even down...
lying to my ownself...
telling myself that all of these is just a part of my memory and it's not affecting me at all...
all there's left is just a childish girl who thought she had known how deal with her feelings in right way...
of course i love you dear...
i love that guy who lived in my memory...
neglecting the fact that the real guy in reality is such an unknown to me...
i had my own new life..
changes in point of view of life...
develop new habits...
new environment contribute to new social groups of friends...
and the same goes to you...
i loved you...but it's not you anymore...it's not me anymore either...
i remembered everything..every single details...as i promised...
but guess it's finally time that i should really put them away...
you said you wished i could be truly happy and move on....
after i hang up..when i burst into tears...
what i didnt tell u was..."u told me to move on..but where should i go..."
hey dear...
u knew me well..even better than myself...
but not now...things have changed..so as us...
wave good bye to my first ever romance...
wave good bye to my first ever heart broken...
hi grown up...
hi more matured me =)

btw im such a lamer tonight...
consider the situation in a lil more detail way
i used to be like that
when i can't accept something..
when i don't want to deal with things
i escape
yap..im a big lame coward
haih..
ordinary well-protected lil girl

trust me..
it's not an emo post...
it's indeed a gratifying post...

hey dear...
promise you will be good and move on ...too (:

以后再也不会有这种为你而写的隐形字
相信
我也不会怀念了
过了那么久的时间
真的什么都够了
一切都够了

0021...9 November